SEN protection to age 25 – unless you go to university

I’ve been pondering on the SEN section of the Children & Families Bill for a while and I am perplexed by what seems to be an anomaly for some 18-25 year olds.

One of the aims of the extension up to 25 is so that young people can avoid a ‘cliff edge’ and they are supported through further education and training. If a young person with SEN is what is termed ‘NEET’ or ‘Not in Employment, Education or Training’, it is intended that they will be encouraged back into the system with a reinstated Education, Health and Care Plan.

Apprenticeships will be covered by the EHCP, as will further education. But not Higher Education at universities. I realise that most universities have pastoral care services, with lots of advice available, and a browse through several university websites reveals an impressive array of help to ensure equality of access and even counselling services.

sad studentBut what bothers me is that without an EHCP, it isn’t statutory. So, depending on which university you choose, you may or may not get the support at a level that would meet the same criteria or above as might be set out in an EHCP and the legal backing to make sure that this happens.

And if there is no mandated regular review, it will be much easier for a student to fall through the cracks. For example, a young person with Asperger’s, desperate to fit in, initially gets help and is thought to be doing well and there is little concern for his well-being. But in fact, they begin to struggle socially and then academically and then mentally. They may be away from home, or uncommunicative or not wanting to admit they aren’t coping. The student’s difficulties are not flagged up until things have deteriorated significantly because the university is not under any statutory duty to monitor regularly or ensure his needs are being met.

Of course, at a university with first-rate pastoral care, this may well be picked up. But if it isn’t, then what? All the work, support and progress that has been done with the young person while they were under 18 will be jeopordised.

Naturally, there are difficulties in bringing universities into the fold. They  have their own ways of doing things. There is the Disabled Student’s Grant and lots of advice for faculty staff such as this provided by the Physical Sciences Centre. A student may also be out of his home authority, which brings its own difficulties (not to mention vulnerabilities).

But this SEN reform process is about ‘blue-sky’ thinking. The busy beavers at the DfE have already managed to bring in a duty on health to provide when they initially said it wasn’t possible. They managed to include Independent Special Schools when it was thought it would be a difficult hill to climb and they deserve much praise for this.

I have seen that there are many bright young as well as more experienced brains in the DfE with tons of energy working on this reform – I bet if they were set the challenge of bringing in universities, they could do it.

Otherwise it just seems to me that if you’re a practical sort and opt to take on an apprenticeship, your SEN will have the legal protection and support of an EHCP. But if you’re a geeky, academic type who wants to go to uni, well, er, good luck with those special needs. Just make sure that the university you choose not only has the course you want but the pastoral support as well, because you’ll have no legal redress through a tribunal.

An article in the Guardian in 2010 highlighted the difficulties faced by students with disabilities. I believe that having universities covered by EHCPs could boost the number of disabled students finishing their studies and thus being better equipped to lead a productive and rewarding life and less likely to be unemployed.

Maybe my fears are unfounded – my boys are below university age but are in the GCSE stage, so it isn’t a million miles away. I would really like to hear about your experiences on this and whether you think universities should be included in the EHCP remit.

*Addition: This article in the Guardian underlines my point: If the EHCP covered universities, it may well be a different story for the students in this story

Our son’s rare disease sparked a search for answers- and support

Tania writes:

I am often contacted by desperate parents searching for help with finding the special needs solutions for their children.

It’s something that Helen never imagined herself having to do. She had never had to worry about SEN support for her son Jake, until he became a teenager and his health began to deteriorate.

He has since been diagnosed with a rare disease, Kleine Levin Syndrome. From having a healthy 13 year old, Helen found herself searching for answers, support and a way through the jungle of health, social care and special needs services.

Here is her story….

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We never thought our world would be turned upside and we would suddenly be fighting for our son’s right to his education.  Our son Jake, was a healthy, happy 13 year old with predicted A grades at GCSE when he got sick.

He got sick slowly, in an unexpected way, it was so difficult to explain – but his behaviour was no longer normal.

kleineHe slept for a longer periods of time, he fell asleep in shopping centres, on woodland walks in the rain, every time we got in the car – and at the same time he lost his confidence, he did not know his address, what day it was, some days he could barely speak – yet nothing had happened to him, he had not had an accident or even a bad virus – but suddenly he was not the son we use to know. It was so much more than sleeping, but sleeping was the most obvious symptom and the easiest to talk about.

We were being told, don’t worry he is just a teenager – teenagers like to have lie-ins, sleep all day and barely grunt at you, and they can change into teenagers overnight! But teenagers still leave the house, can walk for two miles without having to sit down and sleep, teenagers can be woken and it is not like they are in a comatose state with pounding headaches and having hallucinations when awake, and although teenagers might choose to ignore you, our son just didn’t hear us some times.

We saw doctors, we saw neurologists, we visited CAMHS, we made our own private referral to London and we had the same response – it is very interesting. Who wants to be interesting? We wanted to know when our son would be back.

We noticed that despite seeing all these doctors and reading the reports about Jake’s condition, they were missing the point, they were not seeing everything we were seeing; the points we felt were key to his condition.

We wrote to our GP and our neurologist and told them in a detailed letter what they were missing – it was a hard letter to write, to describe everything our son could no longer do – but this letter struck gold, it was the best thing we ever did up to that point.

A week later we had an appointment with a paediatrician who, from our description and the tests he had had so far, suggested Jake  may have the rare neurological condition of Kleine Levin Syndrome.

We had never heard of KLS – we read up on it, Googled for information and learned that it was episodic and that the episode would end, but may repeat. Shortly after that, Jake was back, it was nearly Christmas and his last memory was the summer holiday. For a while, he was the bright young person who we had before – until it happened again.

It has happened a lot since. The episodes have been a variety of length from one to 118 days, with gaps in between episodes from 1 to 33 days – KLS affects Jake severely.

We went from 100% attendance to 30% at school and we realised that when unwell, Jake was cognitively unable to learn, he could barely write his name. Yet when he was well, he was a bright, able student who had just missed loads, with topics moving on at school so rapidly he could barely catch up.

In Year 9, we focused on just his core subjects, dropped the ones he was not continuing with and school agreed to half-days to reduce the stress, and for him to do catch-up work in the mornings. We muddled through, thinking it was all okay.

We’re in Year 10 now and KLS continues. Jake is still missing huge chunks of time and we think he is doing OK. But when his  first exams arrived,  Jake panicked because he realised he has not been taught what he needs to know to succeed and that to catch up involves him copying from books, working independently but on some days doing nothing as no one knows what work to give him because he has missed so much. We also asked the school to put in writing what would happen if he was ill for exams and missed them.

In all this time we have not been chased for school attendance as they have marked him as ill and school have looked to us for guidance – but we don’t know what the options are.

After having the exams and then having five weeks off for another episode, Jake returned to school to watch a video all day as they had no work planned and we saw “red” –  there has to be more help for him.

We discovered the Local Authority Inclusion Services, who might be able to help Jake have catch up education. They had not been told about us and could do nothing without medical records and a referral.

We sent them all his notes and they contacted school. At the same time we began researching education in more detail and although we had an IEP, we had no real support or action, so after broaching the idea with my paediatrician, she agreed that applying for Statutory Assessment might be a good idea.

We also approached local colleges to find out about his post-16 options and they had been in touch with school… and we found SPecial Needs Jungle and bought the book.

Two weeks after we got to this point, we were in shock; the Maths teacher rang us at home to ask if he can put Jake into exams early, so he has a chance to sit his GCSE’s twice, and he has had some 1:1 catch up in Maths.

His Science teachers wrote to us and invited him to attend a ‘catch up’ assessment day in the Easter holidays if he was well enough and the English team have delivered a copy of his curriculum, the books he needs and some research guides to my door at 4.45pm in the evening. We have also had our first meeting with our head teacher (we have dealt with the head of year and SEN department to this point), who is looking into offering us five hours of 1:1 support a week when Jake is well, looking at reducing his time-table further and offering us easier GCSE options.

All because suddenly we have asked for more support – we are still applying for a Statuary Assessment – we may only have four terms left, but Jake deserves the opportunity to achieve the best he can, and we know school were in the wrong, as otherwise the arrival of the Statuary Assessment notification would not have had the reaction it has had.

We have done a detailed report for the Local Authority, the form we received allowed for just a small paragraph, instead we have sent a lot of evidence of Jake’s condition and we can only hope they read it and  support us.

Kleine Levin Syndrome is hard to understand – if affects only around 1000 people world wide, most patients go undiagnosed for 7 years, and most grow out of the condition within 20 years, and go on to live a normal life, but in the mean time are robbed of their teens and twenties – have little or no qualifications and struggle to be understood…. we are hoping our case will be different.  To follow our story – then visit our parents guide to KLS – www.kleineLevinSyndrome.co.uk

Here is our video about out story:

A personal take on depression: Would you recognise it in your child?

Tania writes

It’s Depression Awareness Week, although with the state of the economy and the weather, it wouldn’t surprise me if most of the country was painfully aware of feeling a bit in the dumps.

Ah, see what I did there? Of course, there’s a difference to being a bit blue and being clinically depressed, and for parents of young adults, teenagers and even younger children, it is very important to know the difference.

For example, what is the difference between your child just having a bad day, or your teen often being irritable or secretive because that’s all part of hormones and growing up, and the onset of something more intractable that will require careful attention and treatment?

Granddad

Granddad

I was diagnosed with clinical depression at the age of 16, although I had always been an anxious child due to an often uncertain home-life. For me, I can trace the true onset of major depression back to the death of my beloved grandfather, who suffered an unexpected and fatal heart attack in front of me when I was just 12.

The adults were allowed to grieve; I was told to ‘put it behind me’, although how I was expected to have the skills to get over the shocking death of the only male constant in my life is beyond me. My, now late, mother, many years later, told me that, in retrospect, she regretted the way she had handled it, but in fairness, it was 1980, and things were different then.

That evening, I had to call the ambulance for my gran and explain what had happened. I was staying with them over February half-term, while my sister was at our Dad’s house.

The trauma of it still revisits me though, even now after adult therapy. It’s still raw, 33 years later. It makes you less able to cope with adversity in a healthy way. The detail is still etched on my mind. It changed me, irrevocably.

Today, I’m great in a crisis, but I pay for it afterwards – a delayed reaction. I’m ever-vigilant, the fight or flight response never far from the surface. It’s not an easy way to live.

Some Shocking Statistics*

  • 1 in 10 children and young people aged 5 – 16 suffer from a diagnosable mental health disorder – that is around three children in every class.
  • Between 1 in every 12 and 1 in 15 children and young people deliberately self-harm  and around 25,000 are admitted to hospital every year due to the severity of their injuries.
  • More than half of all adults with mental health problems were diagnosed in childhood. Less than half were treated appropriately at the time.

Depression can often be part of illness

Anxiety and depression are also features of Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, with which both Son2 and I have now been diagnosed, so I was predisposed, in any case.

Son2 hasn’t had any trauma, but with EDS and Asperger’s it was almost a dead-on cert that he would be affected. He has acute anxiety problems, but because of my experiences, I knew what to look for and he is receiving treatment. It won’t ‘fix’ him, but it may help give him coping skills.

Son1, who also has ASD, has anxiety issues too. On the face of it, he looks like he’s coping well with help from his specialist school, but I know it’s still there, waiting to trip him up and so parental vigilance is needed.

Luckily for both of them, their father is the ultimate laid-back Dad (or in their speak, “soft as a pillow”), so they have a great male role model and a close-knit family. Even that, I know, is not always enough.

This is the first time I’ve ever written about my own depression and it isn’t easy. I’ve been embarrassed, not wanting to show weakness. I can barely utter the words ‘mental illness’ in relation to myself. But just recently, since I’ve been ill, I’ve had to do a lot of reassessing. I expect I have felt the same way teenagers feel when they don’t want to admit they are depressed or that there is anything bothering them at all.

Just because your child or young person hasn’t suffered a huge trauma such as family break-up or bereavement does not mean they are not at risk of mental illness. Lack of confidence, being bullied, poor body image, difficulties at school can all be factors.

And that’s not even taking into account any special needs they may have such as Asperger’s, dyslexia or other learning problems that can affect self-esteem. Or they may just be genetically predisposed to it, especially if you or their other parent are affected.

young minds logoAs a parent, you need to know what you’re looking for and Young Minds, the mental health charity for young people, have lots of resources on their site for parents and for young people themselves. Take a look, even if you don’t think your child has a problem. Parents are often the last to know so knowledge is power. There is also a section for teachers on recognising and helping young people with mental health problems.

The usual NHS route for young people with mental health problems is via your GP and then to CAMHS, the Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service, but as you can see from the comments in this post that is a very variable service, depending on where you live. I really would advise checking out the Young Minds site as well.

I shared just some of my story to help raise awareness that depression can happen to anyone, at any age. But when it happens to a young person, without a vigilant adult, their problems can spiral out of control catastrophically. Self-harm is becoming more common, anorexia and other eating disorders are almost certain to include depression and far too many families are torn apart by the loss of a young person to suicide.

Teenagers are notoriously poor communicators; they are working on growing up and away, if they are able. Be watchful, be informed, keep talking. If you can’t do this without arguments, try this book, the 1-2-3 Magic for surviving your teenagers. It will show you how to begin to see them as young adults in their own right, and no longer just your little ones.

If you’d like to share your experiences, resources, tips or knowledge I’d love to hear them!

* Source: Young Minds

Working with parents as partners – a practitioner’s top tips

Debs writes…

The Children and Families Bill, currently working its way through parliament is very big on practitioners in education, health and social care working in partnership with parents – or “co-production”.

Now, this is clearly a fine goal, but it is going to require a shift in attitudes on all sides and an extensive programme of re-training in some quarters as well. For some, it will be easier than for others and there are already examples of great practice that need to be identified and held up as examples for others to learn from.

If you search the web, you will find several parent views on co-production but we thought it would be useful to get the views from a practitioner (we used to call them professionals, but then, what does that make us?) about the challenges, issues and positives of co-production.

Phil Brayshaw

Phil Brayshaw

Phil Brayshaw is a registered nurse for people with learning disabilities and has post-graduate qualifications in child mental health and family therapy. He has worked in health and social care for over twenty years and until recently, was the lead commissioner for disabled children and young people for NHS Calderdale. Phil also led Calderdale’s SEND Pathfinder work before moving to NHS England in April 2013.

We thought he was an ideal person to ask about co-production from the ‘other side’.

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I was really chuffed to be invited to write about working alongside parents from a practitioner’s perspective. As an NHS employee however, I’ve been asked to say that my ‘top tips’ reflect my own views and not necessarily those of either NHS England or NHS Calderdale.

Writing a guest post is new to me, as co-production is to so many of us, and I had a few false starts but I persevered – and that is the key to trying anything new. So, here are my ‘top five’ points to remember.

If you have any questions, leave a comment and I will do my best to answer.

1.     Don’t be afraid to try new things and if they are tough…KEEP GOING!

Co-production is about more than not doing the same things that we have always done, but doing new things together. It’s about talking to each other and working together to find brand new ways of doing things. Doing things differently can be tough, but don’t give up – after all it is better to write a dozen opening lines than none at all.

2.      Be clear about what you want or what you want to achieve

Having meaningful conversations is so much easier if we are all talking about the same thing. People often talk about shared goals and ASPIRATIONS, but these are not always easy to agree on or describe. My advice is to always start with the end in sight. You could try asking, “What would success look like?” In Calderdale, we found the best answers to this question come from children and young people themselves.

3)      Get a sense of what other people need to ACHIEVE and help them achieve it.

Shared aspirations and goals are essential to co-production. There is little point in working together if we are not all heading in the same direction. That said there are often a number of different priorities for families, communities and the various organisations. It can be useful to understand what other people need to achieve, within their families or professional roles.  Helping someone to achieve their objectives often frees up some of their time to help you meet yours.

4)      Learn to TRUST – be open and honest.

If we are going to work together we need to learn to trust each other. In my experience people generally want what is best for children and young people. Believe it or not professionals don’t come to work just to make your lives more difficult [honestly] and parents aren’t unreasonable and difficult on purpose! There is no question that the current system is adversarial and there is little wonder that we are all a little suspicious of each other. Trust will take some time and effort.

5)      Ask for help (and act on advice)

It is okay not to know all of the answers and it is equally okay to ask for help. We are all very LUCKY to have such a wealth of experience around us – in families, communities and services – we need to get much better at using it; And whether you are in a family, community or a service, it is important to remember – it isn’t always the professionals that have all the answers or solutions.

So, SNJ friends, would you like to hear more from Phil?  What would you like him to write about?  We would love to hear your thoughts on this post.  As Phil said, he is happy to respond to any comments and questions below.

You can also contact him directly via Linkedin or @PhilipBrayshaw on Twitter.

Raising awareness of children’s conditions so rare, they’re undiagnosed.

Tania writes:

Recently, when Debs & I went to Westminster, we met Renata Blower, a Mum who blogs about her life as the parent of a child with an undiagnosed rare disease.

RenataI was impressed by Renata immediately, as she has the tenacity, courage and drive to make a difference that I see in those who find themselves negotiating a very different parenting journey to the one that they originally envisaged.

Renata’s son, and to a lesser extent her other two children, have such a rare condition that it has no known diagnosis. She is working with SWAN UK (Syndrome Without A Name), a project of The Genetic Alliance UK to highlight today’s first ever Undiagnosed Children’s Awareness Day. Below is some of Renata’s story and if you’d like to read her blog in more detail, I will add the link at the end.

RareConnectTo coincide with Undiagnosed Children’s Awareness Day, a new community forum is being launched today on RareConnect, the very excellent platform hosted by EURORDIS and NORD Rare Diseases organisations that brings together people from around the world with specific uncommon conditions to share knowledge, support and experiences.

In this, their 40th Community (congrats!) RareConnect have partnered with SWAN UK, SWAN USA, and the Wilhelm Foundation to create a community especially for undiagnosed brain disorders. This community will be a place for caregivers of children with undiagnosed brain diseases a place to connect and share experiences across the five main European languages.

There are two types of Undiagnosed Brain Diseases. The first is ‘Stagnant’ where children are very sick from a very young age often at birth. They have severe congenital dysfunctions in the development of the brain. The other, ‘Progressive’ is where children are usually symptom-free at birth. Some of them have symptoms that are not related to a severe brain disease. At some point in their childhood, they start to exhibit different types of symptoms that worsen and often progress into a very complex neurological profile.

These Diseases are often fatal. To read stories of families affected by undiagnosed brain diseases, visit: https://www.rareconnect.org/en/community/undiagnosed-brain-diseases
For any parent who has no easy way to describe their child’s condition, never mind a proven pathway for treatment, finding others to share their frustrations and difficulties with is vitally important.
Here now, is an extract from Renata’s story.
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On Saturday 13th April 2013 I will be celebrating Undiagnosed Children’s Awareness Day, probably at home, perhaps with an acquired bit of Easter chocolate, but undoubtedly with a huge sense of pride.

UCAD-widget-logo1I guess I don’t talk that much about Dominic (and of course Elliot and Lilia as we know they have a milder form) not having a diagnosis. I accepted a long time ago that finding an answer to why this had happened and what it meant we might face in the future might never happen.

Although the unknown is one of the hardest things an information junkie like me could possibly be asked to embrace, it is probably what has saved me. It is only when a new test is suggested that my compulsion to throw myself into hours of late night research starts again. Thankfully this doesn’t happen that often any more. I say thankfully because it’s exhausting, physically and emotionally, to be endlessly poised to find out whether your child is about to be handed a death sentence or a not, and geneticists aren’t doctors who are in a rush, so you can be driven mad by worry but then have to wait for a year for a follow-up appointment to find out the results of the tests. If the test results don’t go missing somewhere along the line that is.

Living in limbo with this level of anxiety about the unknown is disabling in itself, planning for a future you don’t know whether you’ll ever have leaves you scared to makes plans but racked with guilt if you don’t. At some point you have to make a decision to let it go but accept that it will lurk like a dark shadow over ever illness, every appointment, every form you fill in and every conversation about your child’s (unknown) future.

Tests to try and diagnose Dominic are few and far between now quite simply because we’ve done them all. The conclusion, if you look at the results printed in his notes, is that Dominic is normal. Ahh, I love that word as it holds so much importance and yet is so often meaningless. Dominic’s version of normal, the ‘there is nothing wrong’ test results, are in conflict with the five volumes of Great Ormond Street Hospital notes and the child that is tube fed, having growth, blood sugar and thyroid problems (linked to a small pituitary), unable to stand or walk, hypermobile and tires incredibly quickly (for a full list have a look here).

In fact the only test that has shown any issue is an EMG (electromyography) which tests the muscles and nerves to see if they are working properly. We found that his muscles were normal and his nerves were normal, however they did eventually discover that the communication between nerve and muscle (at the neuromuscular junction) wasn’t working as it should (after disbelief lead them to repeat the test 5 times). Of course all the testing for the conditions that are known to affect the neuromuscular junction came back… you guessed it…normal, and a muscle biopsy (his second) came back… yup… normal again! At this point most medical professionals shrug, or scratch their heads before giving up trying to figure it out… so feel free to follow suit.

This has been going on for 6 and a half years. If I was still on tenterhooks for a diagnosis after all this time I would be sat in the corner twitching… well far more than I am currently. Our only hope for a diagnosis is the Diagnosing Developmental Disorders study, which is trying to create an online catalogue of genetic changes and what problems they cause for children. So the answer we get might get would be little more than a string of numbers and letters locating where the genetic code has hiccupped. Even so it would answer the question ‘why’ Dominic has the difficulties he does, even if it can’t tell us much more about what to plan for in the future– at the moment.

I say at the moment, because science never stands still and advances in genetics happen almost weekly it seems. I find it hugely exciting to be part of something that I truly believe will change the way complex children are diagnosed and something that will help us begin to understand the code that makes us who we are.

You can read this post from Renata in its entirety, and please do, at this link  

Below are some more links you might like (of course you will!)

Renata Blower on Twitter  | Just Bring The Chocolate on Facebook | SWAN UK on Twitter | Swan UK on FaceBook

You can find out about the other 39 RareConnect Communities hereRareConnect on FaceBook | RareConnect on Twitter

Read more posts from parents of Undiagnosed Children at Renata’s Blog Link Up

My son and his literal world

Debs writes….

My eldest son, K lives in a very literal world and we spend half of our day trying to watch what we say, and the other half paying for the fact that we forgot.  “Watching what we say” – there you go, that phrase would have K staring at our faces to “watch” what we are saying.

Inititally, this caused us heartache, for example when we saw him closing a door and shouted “watch your fingers” and he did.  He watched them as he closed the door on them.  We hadn’t said “move your hand away from the door”.  However, it has also caused us some huge entertainment.

For a long time, K believed my name was “Hiya”.  When people visited us, the first thing many of them said as they walked through the door was “Hiya” and K truly thought this was my name.  When I intitally suspected this, I said to my parents “I’m sure he thinks my name is hiya” so that evening, at dinner, my dad said “Hi K” and K responded “Hi Grandad”, then my mum said “Hi K” and he responded “Hi Grandma” and then I said “Hi K” and he responded “Hi Hiya”.  Mummy Hiya was confirmed.  This did amuse us, especially when I left him at nursery and he would respond “Bye Hiya” or “See you Hiya”.  Yes, I know that this could be interpreted as me laughing at my son but nothing could be further from the truth.  We have to get through this jungle with some sanity intact so for us, a sense of humour is essential.

As he got older, K realised that my name was Debs and he also understood that I was his mummy.  However, he chose to call me Debs.  He would return from school and say “Hiya Debs, where’s Chris” and I would reply “Daddy is at work”.  This went on for some time and still does, however, when we asked him why he called me Debs and not Mummy, he gave me a very confused look and replied “But you don’t call me Son, you call me K”.  So yes, why should he call me Mummy – which is in fact my relationship to him – when I call him K and not Son.

Sometimes his logic just stumps me for a response.  On one occasion, K had been settled in bed, however, when I finished making a brew and walking into the sitting room, he was sat in there.  I asked “Why are you not in bed” and his response was “because I am sat down here”

shameOf course, living in such a black and white world, with little understanding of social rules can cause some issues.  Usually mortification

We had one occasion when I was trying to plug him into a booster seat with one other child (in a booster seat) and a non-petite lady in there too – not an easy task.  So how mortified was I when I asked K to move towards me and he responded  “it’s not me, it’s her – she’s fat”.  Now as a non-skinny lady myself I was horrified for this poor lady and I told him very firmly that we don’t use this word, it’s not a nice word and he was plugged in and off they went.

That evening, I asked him how the day was and he replied it was okay, I asked about the journey and he said he was “squished” in the car because the lady was fat.  I explained again, this was a word that makes people feel sad inside and not a nice word to use.  The next morning, we walked out to the car and I suggested that it may be nice to apologise for using that word and he was happy to do this.

We got to the car, he sat down and as I plugged him in, he offered an apology.  “I am sorry I said you were fat yesterday, Debs has told me that it is not a nice word and it can make you sad inside which is not nice”.  The lady accepted the apology, I smiled with pride and then……..

“Debs, it’s not my fault I am squished in here.  It’s her, she is overweight and needs to go on a diet”  The driver at this point choked, I was looking for a hole to crawl into and K said “is that ok, Debs – I didn’t use the word fat so no one feels sad.”  Want to bet?

So yes, the literal world can be amusing, heartbreaking, mortifying and a real challenge but we try hard to keep smiling.   I would love to hear your experiences, maybe we can all help each other.  We now have a rule with K that he doesn’t comment on people’s height, size, colour or clothes unless they ask him to.    What rules or tips do you have?

Parent Carer Forums

Debs writes….

Tania and I are both co-chairs of Parent Carer Forums and we do mention them quite a lot.

Tania Co-Chairs Family Voice Surrey with the lovely Angela.  Angela shared her experience of meeting Mr T with us on Valentine’s Day.

I KentPEPsLogo92dpiRGB_web2Co-Chair Kent PEPs with the fab Sarah, who knows when to reign me in and also is one of the most organised people I know.  Sarah will be the person who has printed everything off before our meeting and the one who replies to emails quickly.

What is a Parent Carer Forum?

A parent carer forum is a group made up of parents and carers of disabled children who work with local authorities, education, health services and other providers to make sure the services they plan and deliver really meet the needs of disabled children and families.

The forum represents the views of parents in the local area but does not advocate for individual families. There is usually a steering group of parents who lead this and listen to the views of other parents in the local area to make sure they know what is important to them. Forums are keen to make contact with as many parent carers as possible.

In England there are now forums in almost all local areas.

Who can join a parent carer forum?

Forums are ‘pan disability’ which means that parents or carers of a child with any type of additional need or disability are welcome to join – as they are likely to need to access services and support. Joining your forum does not mean you have to commit lots of time. In most forums you can join and receive information, and you then decide if you want to get more involved at your own pace.

Taken from Contact a Family website 

We are all part of a National Network of Parent Carer Forums (NNPCF) which is  a network of parent carer forums  across England. It too has a steering group made up of parent carer representatives from across England.  NNPCF make sure that parent carer forums are aware of what is happening nationally, and that the voice of parent carers is fed from local parent carer forums into national developments, working with the Department for Education, the Department of Health, and other partners.

Contact a Family support the work of the National Network of Parent Carer forums and offer us relevant training and a variety of conferences and regional meetings.

If you would like to find out if you have a local Parent Carer Forum, then we have added a page to our site with their details for you.

If you are a member of a Parent Carer Forum steering group, we also have a group on Facebook which you are welcome to join.

Gcontactetting involved with your local Parent Carer Forum is such a great way to have a say and really help to influence decisions made about services in your area.  Most of the forums are always looking for new members to participate so get in touch.

Pathological Demand Avoidance group bids for charity status

debroarke

Deborah Rourke with Tania

The most popular post on Special Needs Jungle continues to be about the condition Pathological Demand Avoidance

Last week I met Deborah Rourke, who wrote the post – it turns out she lives close to me so I hope we will see a lot more of each other.

There is to be a PDA Awareness Day on May 15th, and Deborah writes here about the group’s plans.

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Pathological Demand Avoidance syndrome is increasingly being recognised as part of the autistic spectrum. One group instrumental in bringing about this change is the PDA Contact Group,  a supportive website filled with contacts and information.

It has a forum where parents, carers and siblings can ask questions or simply vent their concerns. Our membership numbers over 2000 now and the forum is busier than ever with the number of enquiries for support and information is increasing.

LOGO1It is fast becoming clear that the group must consider the future and start thinking ahead. Awareness and recognition of PDA is greater than ever before and it is perhaps time for the group to develop its role in response to this change in status.
PDA may not have made it into everyone’s vocabulary, but it is on the agenda for being taken seriously by a wider range of professionals.

Our immediate aims are for the PDA contact group to become a registered charity and we are currently campaigning for 15th May every year to become PDA Awareness Day.

The National Autistic Society has put on several informative PDA conferences across the country and we feel workshops and seminars as well as participating at wonderful events such as The Autism Show,at Excel London 14/15 June is the way forward.

With help from government grants and kind donations, our future aims are to ensure accessible information is available in every GP surgery, play-centres, nurseries, schools, to further help raise PDA awareness and provide vital information across the board.

We are very excited and overwhelmed by all the generous offers of help, support, donations; it will provide us with the much needed resources to begin to provide some of the above services.

Please do not hesitate to explore our website: www.pdacontact.org.uk (a new one is on its way, to better manage the increase in demand).

You can now also find us on twitter: http://twitter.com/pdacontactgroup

Other recommended PDA information sites: http://advocate4pda.wordpress.com

http://www.cafamily.org.uk/medical-information/conditions/p/pathological-demand-avoidance-syndrome/
Supportive Facebook group: http://www.facebook.com/groups/7165353156/
National Autistic Society: http://www.autism.org.uk/about-autism/related-conditions/pda-pathological-demand-avoidance-syndrome.aspx

£27.3 Million grant fund to help low-income families with disabled or seriously ill children

I tweeted this earlier, but think if I make a post about it, more people will see it and be able to pass it on to those for whom it will be sorely needed and very welcome. If you know a family like this, please make sure you forward this post or print it out for them. Thanks!

Parents of children and young adults who are disabled or seriously ill will be able to apply for a share of the £27.3 million Family Fund, the Government announced today as it continues its commitment for two years.

Family FundFamily Fund, the UK’s largest grant giving charity, is designed to make life easier for low-income families with disabled and seriously ill children and young people. The money can be used for days out, garden play equipment, computers, toys and kitchen appliances like dishwashers and washing machines.

The Fund helped more than 50,000 families in England last year, from a total of £27 million. The Fund is now in its 40th year.

Edward Timpson, Minister for Children and Families, said:

“Families with disabled or seriously ill children will be able to apply for items and activities that will make a real difference to their family lives. I’m delighted that in these difficult times we’re able to commit to this significant fund for at least another two years.

“We’re also changing the law to make life better for parents who have children with special educational needs. We want to ensure they have the opportunities and support they need to realize their full potential.”

The Family Fund helps families of children with some of the most complex needs – including children and young people with cerebral palsy, attention deficit disorder, autism and sickle cell anaemia. An independent review has found that the Family Fund is the best way to give support to low-income families raising disabled or seriously ill children.

Ian Black, Chair of Trustees for the Family Fund, said:

“Family Fund supported the independent review and the opportunity to gain valuable feedback and evaluation of our work. The comprehensive outcome gave a significant endorsement of our model.

“We are pleased to receive continued funding from the Department for Education and look forward to delivering essential support to thousands of families living on the lowest of incomes raising disabled and seriously ill children, in this our 40th year.”

 To make a grant application, parents should go to http://www.familyfund.org.uk/grants/how-to-apply. Applicants should download the form, check the terms and conditions; complete the form; say what they need to make a difference to their disabled child, young person or family; and send the application pack by post to the Family Fund.

 The Family Fund has 40 years of experience of helping families with disabled children. It helps ease the additional pressures faced by low-income families raising a disabled child by giving them grants for a wide range of goods and services, including washing machines, dryers, fridges, clothing, bedding, sensory toys, computers, much-needed family breaks and more.

Autism Acceptance? It’s so much more than that…

Tania writes:

It’s Autism Awareness/Acceptance Day, Month, whatever… lots will be written today about what autism is and what it isn’t.

No one expects to have a child with an ASD/ASC, whatever they’re calling it this year. Once you have the diagnosis, it’s like entering a parallel universe of impenetrable mazes with multiple dead-ends, where people speak in strange acronyms and expect you to understand what they’re talking about.

You can get lost in the battle to secure services, support, suitable education and the funding thereof. As your child or children (in my case) grow, you will encounter different challenges such as transition to adulthood, training, independence.

If your child is five or six, you’ve probably not even thought this far ahead. This is just as well; it would be too much to cope with. We are now at this stage: my boys are 15 and 13.5 and both have different levels of need and what one may manage, the other may not.

superbabeOne thing we have learned – just when you think you’re doing okay, something comes along to trip you up and you have to take stock and look for new solutions. You are constantly operating at your maximum tolerance, so that when something comes along that you didn’t expect, it is easy to experience meltdown or even breakdown.

People on the outside often do not understand this and may judge you accordingly. This says more about them than you.

While working for better understanding, treatment and life chances for people with autism or any other condition is a necessary and constant crusade, for those families affected, it is much more personal. It can often be just as big a battle for self-acceptance and coming to terms with a diagnosis and that this is the way life now is.

For me, recent health issues have meant I have had to accept I am not superwoman and reassess my goals. After five years of not claiming school transport, I have now had to admit my limits and ask for a taxi for them. It’s a compromise; I won’t ask for both ways because  they need the security of knowing if they’ve had a bad day, it’s over as soon as they’re in the car with me.

Universal Truths

But whatever your personal circumstances, I believe there are universal truths, and not, for that matter, just for parents of children with autism, but for any parent of a child with a disability, medical condition or rare disease (named or not), so you can just substitute the word ‘autism’ for any of those.

We’ve been doing this a while now, so I feel pretty qualified to offer the following, based on my own experiences:

1. If you have never cared for a child with autism, you don’t know what it is like. Even if the parent seems fine and happy, you should never make assumptions of what it’s like being in their shoes.

2. It’s different for every family affected. For example, if you have a child with high functioning Asperger’s, it is likely to be a very different experience to life as the parent of a non-verbal, severely autistic child. This is even more true if your child has medical needs as well.

3. It’s hard work – mentally and physically, wherever they are on the spectrum. Some people cope with certain aspects better than others. Sometimes you will feel like you’ve been run over by a steamroller but you will eventually peel yourself off the floor like a flattened cartoon character, because you have to.

4. Stress and worry are likely to be your constant companions; maybe even depression. What do you expect? You’re only human. It’s okay to admit it and to seek help for yourself. In fact, it’s preferable than pretending everything is fine.

5. You will be judged. There will always be people who think they can parent your child better than you can. You will learn not to care.

6. You are likely to end up with more friends who have children with special needs than those who don’t.

7. You will feel like running away. Or worse. You almost certainly won’t end up doing either.

8. You will learn to smile when people tell you they don’t know how you cope, or that you do fantastically well. Inside you may well think, “If you only knew…” You may actually want to punch them, but it’s probably better to resist.

9. You will grieve at some level for the life as a parent you had envisaged before you actually were a parent. Then you will get over it and get on it with. After all, what’s the alternative? But at odd times, this grief will revisit you. This is normal.

10. You will read studies that tell you autism is caused by any number of things, most of which you will feel, at some point, are your fault. None of them are. Autism probably has lots of different triggers which result in similar symptoms. Read the studies, or don’t, they won’t change your reality.

All that matters is that you try to be the best you that you can on any given day. Some days will be good, some days (sometimes whole weeks) are better forgotten. Others can accept that or not; they can choose to be your friend and love you without judgement or not. You have no control over that.

Accepting yourself for being flawed and imperfect can be much harder than accepting your child’s diagnosis.

It’s what makes us human.