More House – A School To Be Proud Of

Saturday was the last official day of term – Founder’s Day. This is something we all look forward to and I don’t mean for the strawberries, cream and sparking wine you get at the end either.

It is the day we get to celebrate our boys’ achievements throughout the year, hear the Headmaster’s end of year review speech and listen to a visiting VIP make the keynote address. This year it was David Moran, the new  Ambassador to the Republic of Kazakhstan and Non-Resident Ambassador to the Kyrgyz Republic, whose talk included the notion that these years the boys spend at More House School will help them forge their characters that they will take with them through their lives.

There is a prize giving, where the boys are awarded certificates for particular areas of excellence and this is all the more touching because many are given in subjects where the boys have faced real challenges. Each boy returning to his seat with his certificates was beaming with pride; a feeling that we parents marvel at, knowing only too well how difficult their journeys have been so far. For our own two boys, we laminate their certificates and put them on the wall of their rooms so they can be reminded every day that hard work gets results.

But the highlights of the day were the speeches given by the outgoing School Captains. The two sixth-formers, smartly dressed in suits, came to the podium to give accounts of their time at More House. The first opened by saying that when he arrived at the school he was a dyslexic. Now, upon leaving, he is a dyslexic with attitude and confidence. He has a place at university and thanks to the education he has received has a great chance at a successful life.

The second young man opened his remarks by noting his diagnosis of Dyslexia and ADHD. When he arrived at the school he said, he was unable to sit still long enough to learn anything, but at MHS he was never excluded from any event or activity (as I presume had been the case at a previous school). He had received a good education both academically and socially and he stood before us a fine young man and School Captain, a son to be proud of as I am sure his parents are.

Both young men took the time to thank the school’s Headmaster, Barry Huggett, who is held in the highest esteem by all the boys and their parents. Mr Huggett is an inspirational figure and he leads the school with dedication, dignity and passion. He announced that the latest GCSE results showed an 83% A-C pass rate, which considering the number and range of difficulties experienced by the boys when they arrived, is outstanding.

Several things became crystal clear for me yesterday. The first is that the dedicated sixth-former I have seen at many events is, in fact, the Music teacher, Mr Place, which just shows me how old I’m getting. The second is that, contrary to government inclusion doctrine, the kind of school you go to is absolutely key to your future life. Had the School Captain gone to a normal mainstream secondary, he may well have left at sixteen with no qualifications and little chance of a bright future. Now he has university to look forward to and a real shot at success.

Some of the boys get support in exams such as extra time or scribes to help them show their true potential. Mr Huggett aims to cut the number by half, and then within a few years, to eliminate the need for special help in exams altogether. This is a lofty goal but one that, knowing Mr Huggett and his staff, I can see being achieved.

To all the staff at More House School, have a wonderful summer – you’ve earned it.

Books I recommend for Special Needs

I have quite a collection of books about special needs and parenting and thought I would share some recommendations with you. I usually buy mine from amazon.co.uk, so I’ll link to each book so you can have a closer look.

1-2-3 Magic – Thomas Phelan – This is an absolute must for all parents who want to regain control of their children and their own lives. It’s slim and easy to follow and very very simple. The key is to talk to your children about this new method of discipline, and when you are counting – don’t say anything else! Both parents must buy into it and FOLLOW THROUGH. Our usual punishment is removal of computer privileges if we get to three without compliance. We don’t usually get to three. It works.

The Complete Guide to Asperger’s Syndrome – Tony Attwood. The foremost expert on AS. Great book, easy to read. I used some of this to help explain my son’s condition for his statementing process.

Kids in the Syndrome Mix of ADHD, LD, Asperger’s, Tourette’s, Bipolar, and More!: The One Stop Guide for Parents, Teachers, and Other Professionals (Paperback) -by Martin L. Kutscher; Tony Attwood; Robert R. Wolff.  – Excellent book explaining the co-morbidities and how you can take practical steps to help them.

Hot Stuff to Help Kids Chill Out: The Anger Management Book -by Jerry Wilde.  A slim volume That is written to be read alongside your child and shows that that anger actually damages themselves and helps children take responsibility for their own emotions. A great little book.

Can I Tell You About Asperger Syndrome?: A Guide for Friends and Family (Paperback) -by Jude Welton – Another slim volume written from a child’s perspective explaining his view of the world as a child with AS. Very useful for siblings, friends, teachers and grandparents. Lobvely illustrations and easy to read typeface.

If you have any recommendations of your own, please leave a comment, I’d love to hear from you.

Journey’s End for our Statement – And a Brighter Future.

Just to update the post about my son getting the statement of Special Needs, we’ve just heard that the LEA has agreed to fund him at his independent special school. Great news and what a relief!

When they issued the draft statement they said they were concerned how he would manage in mainstream secondary.. so they were going to recommend mainstream secondary with support. Now we know, don’t we, that for many children with Asperger’s, it’s not a question of someone sitting with them or being withdrawn into social skills groups for so many hours a week. It is more a constant nudging that they need and a vigilant eye for when things are starting to go wrong.

During my research, I spoke to several mainstream SENCOs (Special Needs Coordinators). They are all dedicated to their pupils and do a good job in difficult circumstances, but one said to me that they sometimes “don’t hear from their ASD students for months until something goes wrong”. She was saying this to illustrate how these students ‘coped’ adequately with day to day school life. All I could think was that at my boys’ school the teachers are in constant contact with the boys and things are never left for months until something goes wrong. Although this teacher was trying to be positive and reassuring, I knew then that my son would end up depressed and unhappy in an environment where he could go unnoticed for months at a time.

Why should he simply ‘cope’ when other children thrive? This is not what I wanted for a boy who is incredibly bright with enormous potential but who is also extremely sensitive with sensory issues and problems with social integration. On the face of it, you wouldn’t think there was anything different about him. But it is precisely when ‘things go wrong’ that you see that he is not the same as everyone else and does not have the coping skills that most children his age have.

This is what More House School teaches him. As well as supporting him academically, it supports his social needs on a daily basis and when they see that he is heading for trouble or he becomes upset, they can help him develop the skills he needs so that when he is an adult, difficult situations don’t throw him off-course. This means that when he leaves school to go out into the outside world, he will be as well-equipped as anyone else to deal with all kinds of situations and different types of people.

If we hadn’t managed to get the LEA to agree to fund him, we would have had to pay £13,000 a year for our son to receive the right kind of education to give him the best chance of a successful life. We had tried mainstream and had found that, with the best will in the world, the kind of support he needed wasn’t available. So why should we have to pay for him to get what every other child in mainstream gets without any bother? We didn’t opt out of the state system out of snobbery. We were, in effect, forced out, because our sons were not mainstream children.

Our LEA seems to have woken up to the fact that it is cheaper and easier to pay for children to go to this particular school than it is to find all the support they need within the state system. If they had to make their own school for high-functioning ASD boys, complex dyslexics (who often have co-morbidities), and children with great Occupational Therapy and Speech and Language needs, they would have all the capital costs to pay on top of  the per-pupil cost. These would include buildings and maintenance, electricity and all those other costs that don’t include teachers and support staff salaries and benefits.

Just paying £13,000, and leaving it up to someone else probably seems like a great deal. We haven’t asked them to pay transport – we moved to be closer so I can easily take them myself every day as I would if they were at any school. This is my part of the deal as transport costs are a never-ending headache for LEAs and I see no reason to add to the burden when I am in a position, and more than happy, to take them myself.

However, although Surrey, our LEA, have done the right thing for both my sons, (and three cheers for them), I know of other families who are having to fight tooth and nail and at great expense to get their local authority to do the same. I know of one child in Hampshire, who got a statement with no argument but despite his severe social as well as physical needs, the LEA thinks he will be able to cope with a mainstream placement against ALL the advice they have received. This is pig-headed stupidity and a game of brinkmanship with parents to see who will blink first. There is no logic to it and when the case gets to Tribunal, Hampshire will lose and will have wasted taxpayers money fighting a case that didn’t need to be fought. The family will have suffered emotionally, financially and completely avoidably.

Hampshire have recognised this child’s needs for OT and SLT in part two of his statement and yet have made no provision in part three of the same document and they think this is acceptable. They think it is okay just to dump him in the local secondary where his needs cannot be met (and the family has the documentation to prove it). Hampshire should know that it won’t intimidate this boy’s mum. She is every bit as determined as I was to make sure her son gets the placement he needs. It is appalling that she should have to put herself under considerable strain to do so. I will keep you posted as to what happens.